Living in Process Testimonial

2005-03-01T14:12:00.000-08:00

When I turned 30 years old in 1991, my friends threw a party for me in the theme of the 1960's. We ate 60's-type food, dressed in 60's-type clothing and danced to 60's-type music. I looked around and saw that I finally had the "right" friends, the "right" clothes, the "right" hairstyle and the "right" makeup. And I felt so miserable inside. I also felt I couldn't tell any of my friends what was really going on for me.

A month or so prior to my birthday I started having memories of being sexually abused as a child, and I was trying to push the memories down with all of my addictions: alcohol, food, relationships, busy-ness, etc... I was walking around shaking, and my body seemed to be saying, "You can't keep doing this to yourself."

For months afterward, I was extremely depressed and suicidal. I was talking to a woman I had met in a 12-step group about how depressed I was and that I was considering getting on anti-depressants. She said she saw a vision of me surrounded by loving, supportive people, and this was what she believed would be the cure for my depression. When she said this, I couldn't fathom what that would be like to have such people in my life; it was so far from my reality.

I did choose to start taking anti-depressants. I got off them for a while, and then was considering getting back on them. This is when I decided to try a Living in Process group in my area as an alternative to taking the anti-depressants, and I'm extremely grateful that I did.

My feelings were right at the surface waiting for me to find a safe, supportive environment where I could express them and walk through them without medicating myself. The place where they had the LIP group had a room with mattresses, pillows and blankets where people went to stay with their feelings. I thought I had died and gone to heaven! I dove in and did what we call "deep process" work. I let myself cry, scream, whatever my body and soul felt it needed to do to heal. Others in the group made sure I was safe and didn't harm myself. What a relief!

Anger, fear, doubt, grief and other emotions which I had kept bottled up inside for years of my life began to surface and be released.

Through doing my deep work, joining the LIP Training, and working the 12-steps with a sponsor, my life began to change. I started getting to know myself and to have more compassion for myself and others. The depression I had experienced throughout my life began lifting.

This work (LIP) is definitely not a "quick fix" or a "quick cure." And it is a lasting one. It is truly a deep, spiritual way of life, not a technique or a band-aid approach. I am thankful I can feel my feelings whatever they are - joy, sadness, anger, gratitude - and move through them. For me, going to the mats (doing my deep process work) is like praying. It reminds me of my humanness and my connection to a Higher Power (God, Creator, Universe, Spirit), and to all that is.

Now I do have many loving, supportive people in my life. The vision that that one woman had for me has become a reality. Thanks to the LIP global community, I have people I love and care about all around the world. My life is full, abundant, and joy-filled, and I am at peace with myself and the world. The overwhelming fear I experienced and was driven by is gone, and I have belief and trust in a loving, creative, awesome Higher Power. The time and energy
I had formerly spent pursuing my addictions I can now put towards pursuing my visions and dreams.

I am deeply grateful to Anne Wilson Schaef for discovering and developing Living in Process. She is an incredibly wise, funny, delightful, loving and compassionate teacher and friend, and I am inspired by the work she does for the Creator and all of humankind. I also have profound appreciation for my brothers and sisters in the Living in Process Community who are daring to work towards achieving peace on personal, community and worldwide levels.

Emily